Not Mickey Rooney

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Who am I? What's going on? Why am I doing this?

Are most ghosts on a diet? Am I adopted? Why am I skating around in this oven?

Why is Susan Sarandon covering me in masking tape? Do I have four hearts? Where is my horseshoe?

What does my penis smell like croutons? Why am I directing this symphony? Why am I strapped to the roof of Mitt Romney’s car?

Why am I painting these roses? Is this hispanic child my doctor? Am I allergic to electricity?

Did I discover America? How do I get out of this envelope? My penis?

Do I live in a ham sandwich? Why does my lawn keep calling me fat? Are my fingernails slaves?

What’s a bukaki? Do I live in a castle? Why did the librarian take all my clothes?

Why does Bill Clinton keep knocking on my door? Where did all this juice come from? Am I a ghost?

Am I in black and white? Why is Shelley Long nursing me with her breasts? What’s a facebook?

Why am I carrying a plastic bag full of fish heads? Am I the King of Siam? Where are my arms?